Republicans: Alaska’s Land Mass Qualifies Palin for the Presidency

According to Republicans, fitness for office is determined by the size of your jurisdiction. 

Defending Alaska Governor Sarah Palin from charges that she is unprepared to become leader of the free world, Wisconsin Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus (Prince Incubus? Rinsed Preus? Prepubescent Renis?) cited her experience in “leading the largest state in the union. . .”  That same day, Mike Huckabee, appearing on The Cartoon Network Fox News said that “she’s run the biggest land-mass state in the country.  It’s about 600 times the size of Delaware.” (Video here.)

So the complexity of running a nation of 300 million people with the world’s largest economy and military is comparable to the difficulty of running a state with barely 600,000 because there’s a lot of it.

Hans Enoksen is the Prime Minister of Greenland, a home-ruled territory of Denmark.  Before ascending to power, Enoksen was Minister for Fisheries, Hunting and Settlements. 

Greenland is gigantic, the world’s 13th largest country by land mass.  Despite having all that land, though, only about 56,000 people live there.  Its economy is based mainly on fishing, mineral mining, and handicrafts.  Although handicraft demand is sure to skyrocket at some point, Greenland is today less than an economic juggernaut. 

It also has little military capability to speak of:  “The Royal Danish Navy operates a dog sled patrol called Sirius-patruljen, based in Daneborg. Greenland also has a coastguard that patrols the Greenlandic coast and carries out search and rescue operations.”

The United Kingdom, by contrast, is tiny.  That little island is the world’s 78th largest nation, coming in behind Guinea and right in front of Ghana.  Somehow 60 million people squeeze into the sub-compact country.  Poor Gordon Brown is the Prime Minister.  Before that, he was Chancellor of the Exchequer, which is the office that handles the UK’s economy or whatever.

Despite being sadly diminutive, somehow the UK has managed to develop the world’s fifth largest economy, becoming a world center for banking and finance, and the second largest military in the world.  It’s also got nukes, has at various times conquered large chunks of the world, and contributed incalculably to world culture.  (See, e.g., William Shakespeare, Led Zeppelin, Michael Palin, John Cleese and Eddie Izzard.) 

If Greenland ever becomes part of the UK, Hans Enoksen (the fisheries guy) needs to hire whoever is writing the Republicans’ talking points.  Following the Sarah Palin model, Enoksen is perfectly capable of running the UK.  When you get down to it, what’s the difference between dog sleds and intercontinental ballistic missiles, handicrafts and banking, 56,000 people and 60 million? Greenland is huge.

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1 Comment

Filed under 2008 Election, John McCain, Politics, Sarah Palin

One response to “Republicans: Alaska’s Land Mass Qualifies Palin for the Presidency

  1. Hans

    But don’t you realize that was Huck’s and what’s his name’s attempts at sarcastic humor? It was less than a day before that Duecy at the Cartoon Network claimed she was “qualified” in foreign affairs because of Alaska’s proximity to Russia. You know how the entire world stops & watches every year during the Aelutian-Kamchatcka Summit.

    AND according to many “intelligent” rightwingers I have debated, we were either a) supposed to know that was “in jest” or b) not pay attention to that fool over at Faux News because the liberal media pundits pontificate BS too!

    I nominate Greenland for inclusion into the G8!

    😉

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